A year in the void….

It is September. We don’t like September anymore. I used to look forward to this month, the promise of fall and cooler temperatures. Brightly colored leaves would soon start decorating the lawn and pumpkin spice would be returning. Moms birthday is in September. It is also the month that rocked our world and nothing would ever be the same.
It will be a year this month that Dad and Marie moved on to the place where we cannot join them. A year of missing them, of still hearing their voices in the dark, of not being able to remove her name from my contacts or change mom and dad to mom. A year in the void.
I am not sure how to help Mom past this very unwanted milestone. The ache is still so fresh. This being one and moving forward as a no longer part of a duo person is a struggle. The new place seems to help. We brought memories with us and dotted the new space with them. Mom is not greeted by memories each time she enters a room. Good thing? I’m not always sure. Most days the change is good for her. New faces, new places, living in a space that is all hers and she gets to decide what goes where for the first time ever. Some days I feel the loss radiating from her. Those days are hard. Those days I am sometimes am not sure how to help her. So we put our heads together, say simultaneously what you gonna do, and laugh a little.
I guess it’s just the being there that matters. The quiet sharing of space, the dinner table banter. The knowing that we are 8 minutes away and can be there in moments to chase away the shadows or get the cup down from the too high shelf.
It’s September. It has been a year since the world changed for us in a way that we never expected, in a way that even Covid couldn’t. We are learning about life in the void. Taking steps forward and some backwards. We will raise a glass to Dad and Marie, tell them we miss them and hope they are well together. We will make Moms day special and toast her 88th. Then we will begin year two and hope to fill the void with new memories and laughter so that next year it doesn’t feel so wide.
Year one living in the void. We made it through. On to year two……