Balance

Everything in life requires a certain amount of give and take. To much of one thing and not enough of another and things become lopsided. We, the care takers of the world, run the greatest risk of becoming lopsided because we spend very little time thinking about our own needs.
I started a todo list on my phone and in my planner when I arrived at my moms in June. My day quickly filled with doctor appointments, reminders to pick up medications, test schedules, packing lists, movers, realtors. It went on and on. Each moment of my day was planned and filled with the things someone else needed. Even Althea, moms cat, had dibs on my time. I thought once I got back home things would settle out, ha. Now I had two more people wanting time from me, two dogs desperate for my attention a small herd of animals to care for and I needed to get mom settled and acclimated in her new space. Wow, I am tired all over again just thinking about it.
I soon realized I needed to strike a balance in my day ( it only took me three weeks to come to this conclusion). I had just gotten home from chores and errands, was feeling bone tired. I had an entire list of things that needed doing for mom and I just couldn’t. I hadn’t had a moment for myself in two months. I was feeling waspish and annoyed about what was becoming my new normal. Don’t misunderstand, having mom here is a blessing. We laugh a lot, are making new memories and I am more at ease not having her 18 hours away, but the trade off is feeling like my life is not my own . A feeling I need to dump.
What I realized yesterday, the first day I had not spent with my mom in two months, is that I have lost my balance. I used to take time every morning to center myself for the day ahead. Now I found I was using that quiet time to go over lists of things needing attention. Balance is needed to keep me level, keep me moving forward and keep me me.
So, starting tomorrow my early morning hours will be devoted to me. I will not use that time to do laundry or add to my todo list. I will take that time to energize me for the day ahead and I will try to remember that it is ok to ask for help.
Balance. The ying and yang of a caretaker’s life.